A Waiting Game

I'm in that last uncomfortable 3 weeks of pregnancy now! Lexi could literally come any day. It's amazing how different two pregnancies can be. With Brady breeched, I didn't feel the INTENSE kicking that I am feeling with Lexi or any of the pressure from the baby dropping and my body preparing for birth. George and I were sitting on the couch together last night and he was amazed at how HARD Lexi was kicking. I tried to tell him that Whitney was feeling the same thing when she was here - he said he didn't realize Lexi was kicking even harder than what he had felt previously. I mean, she'd already kicked so hard in the middle of the night that it woke him up because he felt it, LOL. I think he understands now why I haven't been able to fall asleep the last few nights without the aid of Benadryl.

As uncomfortable as it all is, I am just fine with her staying put until at least February (OMG, even that is only 8 days away!). I don't know how I will juggle the two kids while George is at work and I'm scared that Brady will feel left out and get resentful. I can't believe that Brady will no longer be an only child in just a couple weeks. I'm starting to get anxious about his transition and his reaction to Lexi. He's so used to getting what he wants when he asks for it and hasn't really had to exercise any kind of patience. At nearly two, it's time for him to start learning some patience, I guess! We've just had a good rhythm going on - I anticipate what he needs before he needs it and I usually have it ready (like more milk, a different toy, or naptime). With Lexi around and me wanting breastfeeding to be successful this time, I won't be able to be as ready as I have been the last two years.

I had two girlfriends have their babies this week. Shannon had Abbie on Wednesday (though she was scheduled for a c-section NEXT Thursday), and Jessica had Carson on Thursday and wasn't due until January 29. I'm NEXT!! If anyone else has their baby before me, I might scream, lol. I don't want to go too early, I just don't want anyone else to cut in line! :)

I'm getting a little anxious about the VBAC, too. If I'm in this much pain from the pregnancy and when she's going insane inside my tummy, how on earth will I be able to handle labor? I really want to have a drug-free labor, but I've told George that if I'm starting to run out of energy and the pain is too much to remind me that we've come a long way in modern medicine and I don't HAVE to complete the labor without pain medication. I'm just so damn scared of the epidural needle.

It's all happening so fast now that we're in the final stretch! I just want to push pause and hug my little boy for hours. I want to tell him over and over that he has made me a better person and shown me that I have strengths I never knew I had. I will be forever thankful and grateful that Brady came into my life when he did and that he helped me get over my fears of motherhood and the ultimate responsibility of raising a child. I know I lose my patience with him from time to time and get frustrated, but I think that's part of the learning process for both of us. He's SUCH a good little boy and if he wasn't as easy going as he is, I wouldn't feel as confident or as important as I do in my role as his mother today. I really am blessed to have had Brady here to teach me that being a good mom doesn't mean being perfect.